American Idol is going off the air next year. The X Factor USA is long gone. And who knows what will become of the forever-on-the-bubble So You Think You Can Dance after next week’s finale? But as we officially enter fall TV season, I’m thinking of a few classic musical reality shows that should have never been canceled in the first place. Maybe it’s time to bring them back. The airwaves could use a little more rock (and a lot more Sebastian Bach) right about now.
15. Redemption Song
Imagine a season of American Idol starring only Suicide Girls pinups andBad Girls Club alums. That gives you a pretty good idea of what this 2008 Fuse TV series was like. A bunch of tatted-up rocker chicks with checkered pasts and bad attitudes competed for a Geffen Records contract, and the cobalt-haired Amy Winehouse doppelganger who won, Mixi, was actually genuinely talented. (She’s blonde now, fronting a punk-metal band called Stitched Up Heart. I guess she’s not totally redeemed.) The best part of every episode was the elimination ceremony, when a vinyl record emblazoned with the name of that week’s ousted contestant would be snapped in two by the show’s host – professional wrestler and part-time metal belter Chris Jericho. No, I am not making this up.
14. Married to Rock
Sometimes I still think I fever-dreamed this entire series, which ran for one brief but glorious season in 2010. Did bona fide rock ‘n’ roll legends like Jane’s Addiction’s Perry Farrell, Guns N’ Roses’ Duff McKagan, the Cult’s Billy Duffy, and Billy Idol axeman Steve Stevens really all agree to star in a Real Housewives-style “docuseries” for the E! network? That didn’t actually happen, did it? Yes, it actually did. And it was fascinating. My favorite episode was when Stevens let his blow-up-doll-esque wife, Josie, redecorate his tour bus… and she crammed its every nook and cranny with the entire contents of the Hollywood & Highland Sanrio superstore. It was the all-time best use of Hello Kitty products in a reality show – aside from this year’s fabulous Kitty-themed episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, of course.
13. Platinum Hit
Kara DioGuardi’s songwriting talent search tanked in a major way (it was Bravo’s lowest-rated show in years, and it was moved to the Friday-night ratings graveyard mid-season), so that means its chances of ever coming back are slim to none. But it was actually a really interesting look at the creative process, something at which Bravo has always excelled. I continued to watch Platinum Hit even after it shifted to Fridays, and I am so glad I did, because the show featured quite a few gifted contestants, and some of them wrote truly great songs. Jes Hudak, a former Idolcontestant and this show’s eventual runner-up, penned the best song of all: the gorgeous, goosebumpy ballad “Home for Me (Free).” It’s a shame that more people didn’t get to hear it.
12. House of Carters
Nick Carter is all cleaned up now, with a new bride by his side and his alcoholic days behind him. That’s great for his personal life (congrats, Nick), but not so great for television: His 2014 VH1 show about his marriage, I Heart Nick Carter, was a snooze, and I don’t hold out much hope for his upcoming participation in this year’s Dancing With the Stars, either. But the 2006 E! show House of Carters, all about the Backstreet Boy’s dys(fun)ctional family, was THE BEST. And even better was thisSNL skit parodying it, which was so spot-on, it almost wasn’t a parody at all.
11. Mission: Man Band
Back in 2007, VH1 aired this awesome but little-seen Celebreality show that chronicled a comeback attempt by four fallen boy band stars: *NSYNC’s Chris Kirkpatrick, Color Me Badd’s Bryan Abrams, 98 Degrees’ Jeff Timmons, and LFO’s Rich Cronin. The idea was they would form a mature new supergroup – a “man band,” if you will – called Sureshot, and of course reclaim their past glory, all under the guidance of straight-talking music manager Katie McNeil (aka the future Mrs. Neil Diamond). But that comeback never happened, and the next time we’d see any of these guys on TV would be during Justin Timberlake’s 35-second *NSYNC reunion on the 2013 VMAs. VH1 could have at least aired a marathon of Mission: Man Band reruns this week, to mark the fifth anniversary of Cronin’s tragic death from leukemia, three years after this series aired. Cronin was really the heart of this silly little show.
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